Adrenaline before noon

On Saturday morning I caught myself behaving misleading. Frankly, I was being a bitch.

“How can we make this day beautiful for you?” I asked my partner who’d woken up with a back pain and a headache.

“I’d like to rest and go for a walk” He said downing a double Advil, clearly in pain. This is a man who can endure a whole lot.

“Hmpf” I scolded turning my back towards him. I found myself all of a sudden busy wiping off the kitchen counter. Mixed signals.

My own subconscious agenda surprised me as well. Hadn’t I wanted to make him a beautiful day?

My boyfriend looked at me, insistently as he does when I send mixed signals. Spending your life with a psychotherapist is at times more revealing and confronting than my comfort zone appreciates. Our relationship truly does make me a better person.

2 months before I met my partner, 7 years ago, I exclaimed: “I want someone who can challenge me.” Of course I sought after someone who could challenge me within the sphere of how I prefer to be challenged which at times looked a lot like being right…

Then I met a beautiful, longhaired blonde man. I had only just broken it off with another beautiful, longhaired blonde man. My dad had long hair, brown hair; he was not particular beautiful, but charismatic. However this new man quickly proven himself unique to the every other beautiful, at times blonde at times brunette or black, but always longhaired men I’d encountered throughout the years.